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I wasn’t going to write anything today but I felt compelled to put some thoughts down. To say my faith has recently been tested is an understatement – this move to this new town has been more difficult than I thought it would ever be. I’ve been praying a lot lately. I pray often but recently its increased. Since law school, I’ve sought the Lord’s guidance in most everything that I do. Sometimes we have contentious conversations…I am a lawyer after all but in my heart, I always know that everything that happens to me is for my good. Up until this point, it’s panned out that way. I remember praying for Isaac. Of course, I didn’t know at the time when I asked God for my ideal partner that he would send me Isaac. And there were several months where I thought God was joking. He wasn’t. Isaac was my person. God’s gotten me out of more scrapes than I can count. I’ve had accidents where I should have gotten hurt but didn’t. Tests I should have failed but didn’t. I have drowned in the Lord’s favor so for me the evidence is overwhelming that God’s got a plan for me. I, of course, have no idea what it is. But I know what it isn’t. It isn’t being some big shot lawyer. God would have given me that if that was the plan because man did I ask for that big break!
I operate on faith now that God guides me as I make decisions. Those decisions may not always make sense to those looking from the outside in but for me, they’re decisions that I felt compelled to make. For too long I suffered from ‘I’ll take anything syndrome’ where I would accept whatever job or thing I was offered regardless if it felt right or not. A girl’s got to eat, right? Time after time I ended up in situations that weren’t right for me. I know that there’s a plan for me. And even though I can’t see the plan, I know it’s a good plan. It’s a plan filled with love, family, and prosperity. It’s a plan where I get to provide for my home while still being present in it. I know it the same way that I knew God had someone perfect for me. Not a perfect person but perfect for me.
I watched a film today called A Case for Christ, currently available on Netflix. The film is the true story of an investigative journalist who’s an atheist. His wife finds Christ and in an effort to dissuade her from believing he begins an investigation to disprove the existence of Jesus. In the movie, the wife starts praying for her husband that he has a change of heart, in doing so she recites the following verse:
Ezekiel 36:26 NIV – I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
The verse stayed with me long after finishing the movie. It can be difficult when you believe in something so much but no one else can see it. Whether it be the big thing GOD or something small like a business you want to start. People will try to tell you all kinds of reasons why you’re wrong or it’s impossible. They’ll say you can’t do it, that it’s not going to happen. You might even be the thing that’s holding you back because you don’t believe God’s going to deliver on his promises. In moments like that, you should pray that the Lord grants you or those you care about a heart of flesh. A heart that is open to God’s love and trusts in his favor.
Faith is ultimately the most important when it’s difficult to have. It’s easy to believe when everything is going fine. It’s so much harder when you can’t pay a bill and are at the lowest of the low. But that’s when you gotta believe. Look around you and count the tiniest of blessings. Do you still have a roof over your head? Did you eat something today? Are you still breathing? My South Carolina license plate says ‘While I Breathe, I Hope’ – it’s the state motto. I could have gotten any license plate design I wanted but I wanted that one. As long as you breathe there’s still hope, so trust the plan and let the Lord turn your heart of stone into a heart of flesh.
I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written a faith post and faith posts can sometimes come out like you’re speaking in tongues but I just want you to know if you’re reading this that you are a miracle. Your very existence in this universe means that you are worthy of everything. So don’t sell yourself short, good things are coming.
Sending you all my love,