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I was about to go to sleep when from the living room I heard Anita Baker’s “Caught Up in the Rapture”— great song yes, but more importantly an exclamation point for how I feel about my boyfriend. I love him in that over the fence, grand slam kind of way. It’s truly the most amazing feeling in the world. To quote Anita, the love queen herself I am indeed “caught up in the rapture of [him].” So why do I feel a lot of times like I’m falling short?
As women we put a lot of pressure on ourselves routinely. We tend to be acutely aware of everything we do and everything everyone else is doing (it’s definitely a genetic flaw). You worry about being the prettiest you can be. Worry about keeping a wonderful home. Making money (making money’s been a big one for me lately). You desperately want life to follow a linear course but you find more often than not it’s hills and valleys. Sometimes you cry and you don’t tell anyone; not your husband, your kids, you don’t even tell your girlfriends; you’re not depressed, you’re just kind of pent up with thoughts. You want to be the career woman who bakes in her 5-inch stilettos with her perfectly curled hair. Instead you’re barely getting through your 12-hour office day in your ballerina flats.
I don’t really have any answers about what to do about all this worrying. All you can do is try to be the best you can be and hope you’re lucky and have one of those guys who can see the effort and thinks you’re cute just the way you are. I think I’m one of the lucky ones. So I won’t hope to avoid the valleys, I’ll just hope that the valleys have flowers.