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I originally intended to write something about the changing dynamics of relationships once you become a mother for this week’s blog post. As the week progressed I realized that it was less my relationship with my husband that I wanted to talk about (or work on) and more my relationship with myself. I was overwhelmed and tired. Overwhelmed by the many hats that I have to wear everyday and tired from the never ending tasks. I couldn’t see a break in sight!
I finally said something about it. I tend to have a hard time asking for help; not because I want to appear to be Super Woman but because I don’t want to burden people with my problems. But I felt like I was drowning this week, so I had to say something. I told my husband that I needed a break. I didn’t need to leave the house, I just needed some time to do my hair and clean myself up without being rushed. He agreed to watch Rigel on his only day off this week, Saturday.
While I waited for Saturday, I started to try to change the things I could control. I made sure to get dressed first thing in the morning, even though it meant I might get dirty from Rigel’s sticky fingers within 30 minutes of breakfast, I figured if I just put on real pants then maybe I’d feel like a person. I got up and got dressed on Thursday and Friday. Rigel didn’t get anything sticky on me until his late afternoon snack both days, almost like he knew Mommy needed this. I felt more like Grace and less like the robot making sure the house kept running, I’d been feeling like for a few weeks. I also tried to be more intentional with Rigel instead of trying to just get from schedule block to schedule block during the day. We did imaginative play, we danced, we went for walks (even in the dreary weather), he seemed to be in a better mood because of this as well.
And then my day off came and I proceeded to spend several hours grooming (including two hours trying to put some bounce in my hair). It was nice to not be stressing about getting out of the door right away. Trying to be as efficient as possible with how I get ready and just messing around with products in the bathroom. It almost made me feel like pre-Mom Grace and then I heard the yelling from downstairs and remembered that I am indeed a Mom as my Mommy reflexes made me bolt out of the bathroom and to the top of the stairs to check on my boys. They were okay but Mommy habits are here for life and honestly I’m better for it.
So was my day of grooming 100% relaxing? No. Could it be 100% relaxing someday? Sure once we’re allowed to enjoy places like normal people without masks. This asthmatic girl just can’t relax with a mask on, I mean breathing is hard enough for me without something between me and the air. So yeah, I’d love to do a spa day, at the spa but I’ll keep waiting.
When my husband saw me all done up he was impressed and I think happy because well I was happy. And I think that’s the point, and the thing all these other Mamas talk about. If they’re taking care of themselves and happy then everyone else in the house will be happy. So as hard as it may seem at times to squeeze in some time for ourselves, we really have to try. Being a mother, homemaker, professional, student, and all the other hats that we wear doesn’t mean we stop being people that have the need to feel good about ourselves. So let’s schedule in that time ladies! Because if you let all those tasks continue to beat you down day after day without anything to recharge your batteries, that’s how you end up leaving your house in the dead of night, getting on a plane to South America and changing your name to Carmen, never to be seen or heard from again. (that fantasy might be very specific to me but you know insert your running away scenario)
I don’t think I’d make a very good Carmen so I’m going to try to keep this up. Let me know in the comments what are some things that really recharge you when you become overwhelmed and tired from the day to day tasks of being a Mom. Also, how do you work out to make the time to do these things?
Keep loving yourself,